Strengthening relationships

Our thoughts form the very basis of our relationships in every sphere of life. Thoughts are the first level of communication. They create and send vibrations. They form an aura around us, which is the first perfume that we wear. If our thoughts are negative in any manner, somewhere somehow, they will show in our behaviour, because every thought radiates energy.
Merely speaking and doing right is not enough. It is like doing patchwork. The energy produced by thoughts is much more in number and power than sound energy. Hence, strengthening the foundation is required. This can be done by using the following steps:

1. Awareness: Unless and until we are aware of our thoughts and thinking patterns, we will not realise that the key to sound relationships is with us. One has to put in a conscious effort like self introspection to create awareness. There can be the following outcomes when one tries to become aware:
(a) Hopelessness: I don’t want to think like this, yet I am not able to change, forget it.
Eg: What a feeble body I have, but no, I can’t, I just can’t do anything about it.
(b) Compromise: I am ok with it
Eg: I lack physical strength-I am fine, I don’t need to do tough work anytime in life.
(c) Challenging oneself -I know I need to change my thought process and I will do it.
Eg: I want to increase my stamina and will join the gym, work on my diet and increase it.

2. Being in charge: When we decide to change, we can do it
Eg: If the car is in 5th gear and our foot is on the accelerator, we need to slow down by- removing our foot from the accelerator, changing the gear, using brake.
Similarly, our thoughts that travel at a speed that is much higher than the speed of light, needs to be reduced. The following can help in controlling the multiplicity of thoughts-
(a) Meditation
(b) Chanting mantras
(c) Spending time in vicinity of nature
(d) Self introspection on a daily basis
(e) Earlier post on http://deepali-enlightenment.blogspot.com/2010/03/thought-management.html

3. Positive reinforcement
It is not about- not to think, rather it is about- what to think. We need to train our minds to think positive. The following help us develop positive reinforcement:
(a) Positive self talk and reaffirmation on a daily basis.
(b) Building a loving relationship with our own self because, our relationship with others is merely an offshoot of our relationship with ourselves.
(c) Being a good parent to oneself.

Life can be really fulfilling if one has stable and secure relationships; and the the struggle in inter-personal relationships shall become so easy.

Most of the ideas given above have been taken from a talk show called Soul Connection (by the Brahmakumari Mission) on television on Aastha channel. The channel has soulful stuff for the younger and not so older generations too:)

Have a great week ahead!
Your ideas and comments are a source of inspiration. Please do share.

Catalysing Change

“ As it is , I am compromising so much by moving from one locality to the other, now am I supposed to bring a 360 degree change in my life?” said a young girl who was getting married soon, to her friends who were trying to pacify her. I overheard since they were sitting just next to my table in a restaurant in Mumbai. While the conversation was amusing, I could sense the feeling of discomfort the young girl had in anticipation of various changes she would go through on getting married.

CHANGE, be it in personal or professional life, does create anxiety and resistance.
But change is just so inevitable. Every moment , every event in our life is different from the other; uncertainty is the way of life. At the same time change leads to growth, not implying job hopping or changing one’s values to move ahead, but being positively geared to move into unaccustomed environs. A caterpillar would never turn into a beautiful butterfly if it does not go through the not so easy process of metamorphosis.

However difficult and painful the process maybe, yet it can be eased out and the resistance reduced to a great extent. The change catalysers can help the person undergoing change by:
1. Counselling/ talking on a one to one basis without being judgemental
2. Providing adequate support system before setting expectations
3. Administering changes in piecemeal
4. Imparting requisite knowledge and skills
5. Showing trust
6. Being there at the time of need

Your thoughts are immensely valuable. Please keep sharing.

Pleasure & Happiness

A lovely talk show on television a few days back, of which I could just get a few glimpses, inspired me to share these thoughts.
Is happiness same as pleasure?
A few sources of pleasure:
*Shopping
*Partying
*Going on a holiday
*Visit to a spa
*Watching movies
*Physical enjoyment of any nature
Some people derive great joy from such activities and attach happiness to the same. Are these really a source of happiness? Not really. They can surely provide some or a great deal of pleasure, relaxation, change but not happiness per se. Happiness cannot be derived from acts that have a short term effect or a mere gratifying effect. Then where does happiness come from? It comes from:
*Act of giving back
*Making someone’s life worthwhile
*Letting go & forgiving easily
*Helping someone & oneself attain self actualization
*Being with someone in their hour of need

*Enriching relationships
*Performing one’s duty as worship
*Sacrifice of ego & selfishness

Is it possible to use acts of pleasure to create happiness? Yes. How? When we try to bring pleasure into someone’s life, we end up making ourselves & the other person happy. I remember having noticed an American devotee of Sai Baba bringing street children into his air conditioned hotel room where he was staying in Puttaparthy, feeding them with delicacies, putting on cartoon channels on the television for them and playing with them. The gleaming faces of those children radiated everlasting bliss. So, little pleasures can be source of happiness when used for others.

Previous related post:

http://deepali-enlightenment.blogspot.com/2010/10/joy-of-giving.html

Wishing you a happy weekend:)

Please keep sharing your thoughts.

Anger & Stress Management

What happens when a project gets delayed and the customer threatens to cancel the order, a foreign delegate visits and on the same day there is labour unrest, you go back home tired after a long day’s work and see swollen faces waiting for you to listen to their woes and sort out the rows , your family member is fighting with a crucial disease and your boss needs you on job 24*7, a dear one does not live up to your expectations, does things contrary to your liking?
You feel highly stressed, maybe angry too and just don’t know who’s head to break. Is’nt it?
The list of such situations can be endless. There are instances when it is nearly impossible to control one’s temper or a highly negative reaction. And it is so very natural to be angry, sad, worried, stressed out, when something bad happens or is about to happen. No one stops us from expressing elation, then why can’t we express anguish or any negative emotion? We have still not become robots, have we?
NO, we have not become robots and are not even aspiring for becoming the same, yet we need to manage negative emotions because of their following ill effects:
Anger/ stress/ negative emotions-
* Produce toxins in blood
* Damage brain cells that are not regenerated
* Increase blood pressure, pressure on heart
* Increase risk of life threatening diseases
* Devastate a situation, relationship, work forever
* Key of your control goes to all and sundry
* Give your rivals a chance to misuse your emotions
* Take you into a vicious cycle of negativity
Hence, it is highly crucial to manage anger and other negative emotions. Here are a few techniques as per the Western & Eastern approaches.
Anger/ stress management techniques as per Western approach: All of them to be done alone.
* Bang on a pillow
* Hold a newspaper tightly and hit it on the table or wall remembering the person or situation that created negativity
* Scream and shout
* Cry
* Play a tough game
* Jump, party, dance
* Consume a mood elevator or an anti-depressant
Anger/ stress management techniques as per Eastern approach:
* Pray
* Chant a mantra, prayer, positive quotation
* Visualize happy moments
* Visualize people, things that bring you happiness and serenity
* Be in proximity with nature
* Read a good book
* Listen to soft music
* Meditate (gradually)
* Participate in bhajans-clap & sing with all your energy
* Go and help someone
I personally advocate the eastern approach because it provides a long term and perennial solution and helps one emerge, stronger, happier and successful. So, let's try these and manage our anger and stress, and enter the realms of everlasting success and happiness.

Some of the previous related posts:

http://deepali-enlightenment.blogspot.com/2010/09/stress-happiness.html

http://deepali-enlightenment.blogspot.com/2010/05/stress-effect-of-modern-corporate.html

http://deepali-enlightenment.blogspot.com/2010/03/thought-management.html

Please do share your ideas and leave your comments.

Empowerment

Would your wife feel empowered if she has a separate bank account with good balance and complete autonomy of its operation?
It might give a sense of financial empowerment to some extent, but it depends on factors like her perception, footing, independence, aspirations etc. What if she is someone who does’nt know how to even write a cheque? Should you still think of keeping a separate account in her name and letting her have the control over it? Dicey? If you wish to do this you’ll have to spend time and effort on helping her understand about elementary banking, maybe put effort in developing the interest in her to learn all this too. Is the time and effort worth it? YES it is. Though you might have nominated her in all your investments, and ensured her financial security in your absence, yet it is very important that she understands and knows what has to be done. I have seen in one of the banks where I worked earlier, that due to ignorance or lack of understanding of family members, sizeable FDs of a deceased were seized by the bank, though he had made proper nomination during his lifetime.
I sincerely appreciate the companies which have endeavoured to organize trainings for wives of staff members on various subjects including elementary banking, investing etc.
Coming back to empowerment, it is more than financial strength or independence. A few factors that add to empowerment are:
* Participative decision making
* Respect & compassion

* Trust
* Care
* Facilitating growth
* Encouragement
* Sensitivity
* Help overcome hurdles

Be it a close family member or a team member at workplace, the above ideas have similar connotation. Our team members too feel empowered when we trust and encourage them, be sensitive when required, help them overcome hurdles and grow not just in job but in life as well. And when we make someone feel empowered, we get more than expected from that person and the joy derived in the process is more than fulfilling. More on this in the forthcoming posts.

Please share your views and suggestions.

Leadership lessons from Cricket World Cup Semi Final 2011

Yesterday’s semi-finals clearly spelled out the leadership qualities of captain of the Indian cricket team MS Dhoni that helped team India win the match. Some of these qualities are:

1. Making the right fitment -Sachin & Sehwag as opening batsmen and Harbhajan as crucial bowler.

2. Pre-empting the opponent’s move –giving slow balls to Pakistan Captain Afridi so that his shot could be caught.

3. Making strategic moves to tackle the situation with efficacy.

4. Giving every team-player a fair chance to show case his talent.

5. Giving timely feedback.

6. Expecting the unexpected and fighting it out-that's how the match could take a positive turn.

7. Believing that team’s synergistic performance is above the individual’s performance.

8. Playing a fair game- Ashish Nehra asked the umpire to recheck his decision of catch which did’nt actually happen.

9. Staying undeterred and composed even under tremendous pressure.

10.Taking accountability for the team’s performance-good or bad, not just making the team accountable.

Taking these lessons from our captain, we wish team India all the very best for the finals.

Trust means acceptance

While watching a talk show on Trust on television a couple of days back, I got a few key points that play crucial role in our day to day relationships in personal & professional life. Here they are:

1. Trust is nothing but acceptance. When we accept someone the way he is, we show our trust in him.
2. When a person behaves in a manner which is not in sync with our perception of his image, we feel our trust has been breached.
3. When we have lesser expectations from someone, it becomes easier to accept that person.
4. A person becomes dishonest or starts hiding the truth when he feels insecure or fears non-acceptance from us.

Appears a little abstract? Let’s take an example to understand better.
A fresher recently joins a private bank in sales. In a couple of weeks, he starts giving false information about sales calls fearing loss of job or public reprimand. Further he gets false documents to open accounts and the account is opened without a satisfactory KYC check. This can have serious repercussion on the organization and entire banking system.
On the contrary, if there is an atmosphere of mutual trust, the results can be much better. How?
If the sales-person did not feel insecure and could ask for help, maybe by being deputed under an experienced and successful person good at getting numbers, and the senior showed confidence in him and extended the needed support, he would have picked up how to generate numbers without resorting to unfair means.
All that is required is:

• Making a concerted effort to create an environment of mutual trust.
• Sharing values, objectives, information relevant to one’s job.
• Providing the necessary clarity and support.
• Using positive motivators.
• Making others feel that we trust them and are within their reach if they need us.
• Encouraging others to trust us by listening to them without being judgemental.
• This way, they shall also learn to trust us and give their best without any kind of compromise.

Lead by example

Lord Krishna demonstrated exemplary leadership qualities. A few instances from which we get great lessons are:
1. Krishna carried Draupadi’s slippers in His own hands when He took Draupadi to Bhishma Pitamah to seek his blessings before the battle of Mahabharat.
2. He did the job of the charioteer of Arjun during the battle.
3. He washed the soiled and bruised feet of Sudama with His own hands.

While Draupadi, Arjun & Sudama were very very dear to Him, the sole purpose of Krishna’s existence was establishing righteousness. The above examples give the following important messages.

• No task is menial or below one’s dignity.
• Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
• Get involved when with your body, mind and soul when you can make a difference.
• Evolve as a visionary & strategist.
• Always strive for a great cause.
  
  A great leader is one who before expecting results from his team, sets examples of excellence and greatness.
  
  Please share your ideas and suggestions.
  
  
  

Corporate Social Responsibility- long way to go

Every child in this picture is suffering from polio. Some have been afflicted in both- leg & hand. There’s one child who can neither sit nor stand except on his tricycle, & to attend an hour’s class, he leans across the wall in a circular posture. India is one of the four countries where Polio still exists, it has been eradicated from the rest of the world. One of the main reasons of polio is excretion in open. Yes we as a country (and as people too?) are so diverse that on one hand there are Antillas being constructed and on the other, there’s a majority of population living in grave poverty. People in interior villages can’t even afford two square meals, sanitation is a far- fetched dream for them.

Recently a group of young men & women from Stanchart Bank contributed their one day’s salary which came to around Rs.20.00 lacs, and they changed the face of a village they were working on. They got houses constructed along-with proper sanitation facilities, and started a school also for the children living in that village. In the second phase, they are in the process of contributing another day’s salary to generate similar funds to upgrade school facilities. Commendable indeed! Many NGOs are doing great work like this.

But, if a bunch of corporate employees can change a village and improve the quality of life of its inhabitants, can’t our leading corporate houses make a similar effort? How can we be so indifferent that we get to see nothing beyond filling our own pockets?

Though some of companies have been doing a lot for humanitarian causes, yet the number of such companies is abysmally disproportionate looking to the need. In a country known for its rich culture filled with humaneness, compassion and brotherhood, do need Bill Gates & Warren Buffet to come and motivate us to work towards our responsibility, so called CSR? They seem to have adopted and implemented our philosophy of-Puta saput to kyun dhan sanchay, puta kaput to kyun dhan sanchay. Do we really need to hoard for ourselves and our posterity? High time to do some soul searching and come back on track.

Please do give your inputs and feedback.