Empowering relationships

On this Women’s Day, one of the newspapers covered letters written by super achiever Moms to their daughters. One such letter was written by Chanda Kochar, the CEO of ICICI Bank to her daughter who is doing a course Engineering. The gist of the letter that motivated me to write this article is-

You have chosen a not so popular field. Go ahead and do what you want to do. Don’t think of anyone or anything and just do what you want.

A parent saying this to a young child means-

• She has complete trust in the child
• She has full confidence in her upbringing
• The relationship is really strong.
• This also conveys that, irrespective of the outcome, we shall be there for you.

This shall make the child highly responsible for her actions. She shall always respect and admire her parent for giving her not just resources, but all the encouragement and support that one needs to grow as a complete individual in life. 

Now this is what I call Empowerment. The parent is not just making the child empowered, but is empowering the relationship too.

And this is true for all our relationships-with spouse, child, parents, friends, co-workers & bosses.

When our relationships at workplace and home become so strong, we have mutual trust and confidence, the place and the relationship becomes a source of happiness rather than a cause of stress. We then look forward to being there and with those people.

Let’s introspect and find out if we are nurturing our relationships or avoiding confrontation/ communication. 

Let us do our best to make our relations truly empowered. 

Power of blessings

I happened to read a lovely article on the power of blessings in the magazine Life Positive yesterday. The same has inspired me to share my thoughts.

We come across many situations that seem to be impossible to handle at that time, yet we get through them smoothly; we come across a severe accident and come out of it without even a scratch; we narrowly escape an adversity and come unharmed. When we reflect on what happened v/s what could have happened, do we realize that it was only and only God’s grace that worked on us?

 We, at times take all the credit and at times share with the people around us, and even extend it to luck. Do we ever think how the blessings of our elders, or anyone who blessed us anytime helped us? 

Blessings, a good word or earnest prayers and wishes can do miracles. The power of thoughts and spoken words is being recognized by science also as, it believes that we all are surrounded by energy fields and thoughts & words have a positive or negative effect on the energy field around us and hence we are impacted.

I firmly believe in the wonders blessings can do. God’s  grace cannot stop flowing to someone who has his parents' blessings, blessings of elders or just anyone, who has wished truly and we have respected the wishes or blessings. Yes, the element of genuineness on both sides, at the side of giver and receiver has to be there. The giver has to have sincere feelings and the receiver has to value what the giver said.

So anyone –a parent, an elder one, a boss, colleague, helper, maid, even a stranger, anyone–dead or alive, irrespective of hierarchy of any kind can do beautiful things to our life with his blessings. So, in the new year let’s do two things right away:

1.        Bless everyone we come across
2.     Be deserving  of someone’s blessings  

 Let’s also be thankful for all the blessings life/ Almighty has bestowed upon us.

Be happy! Have a blessed life!

Happy New Year

Wishing you & your loved ones 

A VERY HAPPY & PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR!

May your life be filled with health, happiness, prosperity & God's grace!

Is anyone listening?

The other day I got a call from a friend’s cousin. We spoke for the first time ever and did not even know each other’s names till then since the relation was a distant one. In this very first conversation, this young girl shared her woes, the way she was being ill treated by her father & step-mother, her anxieties about her future, fears etc .  The call went on for an hour or more & towards the end she said- thank you so much for listening to me patiently and understanding my problems.

A day later, we went in a party organized by a family friend. There, I bumped into a lady who happened to be of my mother’s age. We just got to exchange a few niceties and there she went telling me the tales of her parents forcing her into marriage, her family supporting her husband while was going through a bad marriage & divorce, and life henceforth.

I was sadly taken aback at the way both, this girl half my age and this lady of my Mom’s age shared their grievances in the very first interaction; sadly because of the thought that is there such a dearth of people who can listen to you? Is life getting so fast paced and people getting so entwined in their own stuff that someone is bloated with problems and is ready to blurt all emotions on getting a patient ear even though the listener happens to be a stranger?

No wonder companies are investing into coaching of their executives by way of hiring professional coaches.  As I embark the journey of being a coach, just wish to list out a few points for being a good listener:

•      Remember that listening is not hearing. Hearing is a physical process, while listening is both physical & mental. One has to listen not just with one’s ears, but also with one’s heart.
•        Be empathetic while listening.
•        Do not get judgmental at all.
•        Respond with your paraphrases, do not react.
•        Listen with your body, mind & soul.

Let’s introspect and find out if we have been good listeners to the people in our immediate vicinity- family, friends, colleagues, employees, neighbors? Last but most important, do we find the time to even listen to our inner voice?

Do share your views and comments on http://deepali-enlightenment.blogspot.com/  or on deepali.enlt@gmail.com

"Don't take me for granted"

“Don’t take me for granted for heaven’s sake”, screamed Mukesh, a Relationship Manager in a foreign bank to his boss, when after repeated drudgery and obedience to the boss’s whims the boss insulted him in front of his team and sub-ordinates. A simple, hard working, sincere and ever helpful employee left the company because of constant misbehavior by his boss.

Personal egos, misuse of power, impatience are some of the causes adding to employee dissatisfaction and stress, leading to loss of good resource to the organization.

And yes, we do knowingly or unknowingly take people for granted.

During the high flying expedition into the corporate world, in the constant run to make a big buck, we often forget to acknowledge the people whose efforts and sacrifices have contributed to our journey of success.  We give them a feeling of being taken for granted. These people could be - a team member, subordinate, senior, an office boy/ messenger, a domestic help, liftman, security guard, parent, spouse, sibling, friend whose presence in our lives has made our life worth living in many ways.

Instead of respecting someone for their painstaking effort and sacrifice, we even have the shameless audacity to say - why did you leave it for me? Why did you do this for me? It was your decision, you had a choice, I didn’t compel you….and so on. While one might achieve material success for some time, one will lose out on important elements in relationships, respect and affection of team members, and maybe some numbers from HIS account of grace.

A little patience, accommodativeness, non-reactivity, and warmth can make life easier at both professional as well as personal fronts, and it can add value to the numbers that one achieves.

Have a lovely weekend!

Love as a motivator

Paro, a middle-aged woman does the household errands in a posh locality of Mumbai to make a living. She had a struggle some time bringing up her kids single handedly after losing her husband at a young age. Paro says she loves God and keeps on chanting his name while doing the cleaning and other chores at her employers’ places. She is taken very good care of by one of the families she works with and is treated with a lot of care and respect. This employer doesn’t hesitate to say that she is like his mother and feels happy to put a piece of sweet in her mouth.

Paro, in return, does not think twice before doing any extra work at this employer’s house, does not demand a hike in salary, comes to work even at 9PM, all out of her own choice saying that he treats me like his mother, why can’t I do a little for him like I do for my son.

I just wish to put forth two points here-

1.       Love, respect and care can go a long way in motivating an employee and gaining his loyalties. A human touch can do wonders in this fast track life. Love begets only love.

2.       Self-actualization can be a poor man’s motivator too. It is not necessary that someone has to first make money, receive accolades and then he will think of the higher self.  At least the lady mentioned above proves otherwise. Connecting with the higher self can actually increase one’s output at work and create happiness too.

Let’s love ourselves and those around us to create a happily productive environment.

 

Have a lovely weekend!

New job avenues for the good ones

I read an interesting news in the Economic Times on 9th April 2013 titled 'Taking Care of Your Granny? Keep at it, You May Land a Job'. It talked of new job prospects for candidates who know how to take care of their grandparents or the elderly, along-with some other opportunities. It was for jobs with a start-up into eldercare/new age old age home. I felt happy to read that in today’s times when all we hear about is the need for street smart and -------- people, there is a career potential for people who know and can take care of their elders.

Can we pause here and think for a minute that if there is a majority of such people in the organization who have-

• good values 
• love and compassion for elders/ others 
• patience to listen to others  
• ability to forgive or let go 
• mental space for others 
• accommodating nature, etc.

the workplace shall become a healthy and blossoming place; there shall be lesser room for office politics, individual egos and personal battles and hence the stress levels shall also go down. Team spirit and individual morale shall be high and thus the organization’s flag shall also fly high.

Let us make an individual effort to treat others well and uphold the basic human values and see how goodness multiplies and comes back. Let's truly believe in the goodness of goodness:)

Have a lovely weekend!

Woman workforce post maternity

While we were having lunch during a training session, by chance the table on which I was eating was occupied by all young women. One of them was married and was dissuading her female colleagues to pursue a career post marriage citing these reasons-

 

• It is too difficult to manage so many fronts- home, work, spouse & kids, self etc. especially if there is no support system at home like a mother-in-law or mother or someone else to take on the responsibility at home.
• Men at work take them to be a threat.
• There are ego clashes at home.

She concluded saying that it will be better if men and women stick to their traditional roles.

None of us could digest what she said or agree with her fully. Nevertheless, a few ideas about corporate initiatives to retain woman workforce and help them maintain work life balance came to my mind after listening to her.

1.       Crèches & nurseries for toddlers and young kids- Some of the IT majors have already started these, and the concept is quite well accepted in developed countries where women have been working.

2.       Play schools.

3.       Schools for children of employees with transportation facilities.

4.       Flexi-hours, work from home facility – innovating systems & processes through which they can operate from their homes.   

5.    Refresher & up-gradation training for sharpening skills & enhancing knowledge post maternity break; nomination of such candidate for some similar course.

 

While women take all the responsibility of nurturing lives, let us as a society , as employing organizations take some steps towards supporting & encouraging them to grow holistically, while we also get to retain a good workforce who keeps her loyalties towards us.

 Please do think about this and share your ideas.

When in stress, tell yourself- this too shall pass

In today’s time, stress seems to be an inevitable part of life.  Be it work or relationships,  there are situations that are difficult and strenuous to deal with. Yet at times I wonder if we have formed a compulsive habit of being under stress or performing better under stress. Maybe yes. Having said that, we can not close our eyes to the ill effects of stress on our body, mind and entire life. It not just a cause of many fatal diseases, but is also antithesis to the very purpose of our being- being happy. Is the purpose of life not to be happy? Yes, it is in all respects, what use is the wealth, fame and achievement if one is not happy. But how does one do this? Be happy despite all tension and volatility in work & people’s moods? Yes, it is possible and doable.

We just need to remember and practice two things-

1.Tell yourself that this too shall pass. No matter how difficult the situation be, it is difficult only for the time being; and it has come to you because you are the one who can handle it well. Even if the whole world including yourself has a doubt on your ability, someone up there has full faith in you and will work with you if you hold on to Him with utmost faith that in the end all will be well for you.

2. Strengthen just one relationship- the relationship with Almighty. If this one relationship is strong, rest all relationships and things will fall in place. And for this again, patience and faith are the key words. Let no problem daunt your relationship with God.  Share with Him every minutest thought and pray earnestly not just for resolving your hardships but for His grace. Come what may make sure this relationship is serenely unscathed.

Stay happy, be stressfree:)

Leadership & Parenting

The parents of a thirteen year old school girl came to know of their intimate relationship with a boy which was going on since one year. The girl was not performing well at studies as well. The school authorities referred her along-with her parents to a practicing psychologist. After having a few sessions with the girl and her parents, the psychologist said that there is no problem with the girl and she does not require counselling; the problem was with the parents and they needed counselling. The parents labelled the psychologist as a fraud one and did not go to her again.

The actual problem was that the parents of the girl did not share a good relationship with each other and had serious fights frequently. The girl grew up in such a stressful atmosphere and got attracted to the love showed by a stranger in whatsoever manner. She lied to the parents quite often because she was scared of them and their non-acceptance.

The point that I am trying to bring is that like good parenting, good leadership also certain basic requirements:

1. Being a good role model- If the parents or leaders say something else and do something else it will not leave any impact and no one will follow such parents or leaders.

2. Trust & Acceptance - Unless we have complete trust in someone, we will not share our innermost feelings and thoughts. And when we do not share these there is a communication gap leading to repeated errors which can be disastrous at times. People speak untruth because they do not have the trust that the truth will be accepted.

Acceptance of the other person's failures and flaws leads to his complete trust in us. No one is perfect, a parent/ leader has to give an environment and required resources including emotional / mental security to his child/ follower to reach excellence.

3. Empowerment- When every person in a family or an organization feels empowered in his domain, he will give only his best with full commitment and integrity.

4. No comparison & criticism- When someone compares us with our siblings or colleagues making us feel inferior or criticises us saying that we do not know or we are absolutely wrong , we either get defensive against the person we are being compared with or get into a no action zone. However, healthy competition & constructive feedback are healthy since they do not make the other person feel inferior and are objective in nature.

Let's remember that relationships are to be nurtured perenially. The person in a senior position can make a big difference in making the relationship a stronger and happier one.

Please share your ideas and experiences.

Apologies for this long gap:) Have a wonderful week!