Being Powerful

In a wonderful workshop that I attended yesterday on Finding time for yourself & all that matters to you-the Ontological way, a very important learning that emerged is- when you are powerful within, things important to you start happening and you also find time for what matters to you.

Being powerful within, is being empowered. It gets things done or even created without any force. It comes from the sense of responsibility and ownership exemplified by you. You might be quite soft spoken and yet powerful. How does this happen? By-

• Letting go of negativity
• Detachment from a negative situation and if needed people ( not from duty)
• Living in the present-BEING 

Those who use force are powerless  within; force is the weapon of the meek. Aggression comes from a place of weakness.

Patience is the virtue of the strong. Love is the strongest weapon.

May this Navratri Goddess Durga give you the strength to empower yourself, be patient with the people & things that matter; infuse love within & exude the same.

Happy Dushehra!

Self Appreciation­- Empowerment Series

While the soul is free from appreciation or criticism, it is the mortal being in each one of us that craves for appreciation, that too external. Abraham Maslow in his theory of hierarchy of needs in motivation places ‘Recognition’ in the middle, just before Self esteem. Indeed recognition and appreciation do give a boost to  self esteem. That’s also where we talk of the power of positive words as they can make or break a person.

Having said, the fact is that forget appreciation, many a times there is no acknowledgement also because we get so used to taking people and things for granted and everything starts becoming just another piece of responsibility, be it at work or home. A friend recently shared that when she said “thank you Laxmi! Thank you for coming at 6 in the morning and cooking for us, my son (a special child) makes it to school on time with his 2 tiffins only because of you” to her cook, Laxmi was so elated and then her commitment levels increased like never before.

While Laxmi got her due credit, what about us? Are we somewhere taking ourselves for granted too? Do we recognize our own self worth? Do we ever sit to think about what all good we do?; we handle a multitude of responsibilities and take so much in our stride, at times emerge with a new learning...

Don’t we have a responsibility towards our own selves? After all if you want to keep other happy, keep yourself happy first. If the self is not happy and empowered, it can never spread happiness and positivity and everything will appear as a drudgery or mere responsibility.

As we move toward the New Year let’s sit back and recall the good things we did, appreciate ourselves and approach the New Year with a sense of  delight . This will not just make us happy, it will also inspire us to continue doing good with a sense of inner joy.

Empowerment-The role of Conditioning

While a lot has been said about gender equality & women empowerment, it's time we do a little soul searching about our role in empowering and or dis-empowering a girl.

I hear a lot of young mothers telling their little weeping sons -"are you girl you are crying? Stop crying, be a man, be strong; if you cry you will become a girl". I get taken aback when so called educated men and women talk in this language. By making such statement, we are conditioning the young mind to believe that-

a) Boys don't cry, or it's absolutely incorrect for boys or men to cry

b) Crying is an act of weakness

c) Boys/men are strong & girls/ women are weak

The young boy will grow up holding these false notions very closely in his mind the consequence of which will be- he will be ill at ease to express his emotions;  and will never accept a female as an equal forget better in any sphere of life. He has been raised with a possibly unknown gender bias.

Recently I got a shock again when someone who apparently appears to be quite modern made a remark that left me thinking. She said that " If ABC (her son) was a girl (daughter) I would never send her for swimming, look how tanned he is". I managed to keep quiet with somewhat difficulty. This kind of a statement is a clear message that it's not good for girls to have a not so fair complexion; after all fair skin sells faster & better in the marriage market. 

Where is the discrimination coming from? When the parents themselves give such differentiating messages to kids, where will there be a level playing field? Even if the government, or an organization provide a level playing field, will these children, now adults respond equally and treat each other as equals? 

There can be n number of laws and programs on gender equality, Sexual Harassment Prevention, Prohibition & Redressal, etc.; unless there is a change in mindset, the culture in an organization or society will not change. Not to undermine the importance of the laws, they play a vital role in enforcing safety and security and provide remedial measures; a mindset shift will create a feeling of security and belongingness. 

What is it that you want?

In life, you get what you really want. Is it? Yes, it is.

There are two things that work:

1.   When you truly, dearly, passionately, badly want something, all your efforts are dedicated in that direction

2.   Somewhere the law of attraction also starts working. Nature conspires to complement your efforts.

Does that mean what you do not get, you did not try enough?

Well, yes and no.

1.   Yes because probably you could have tried it somewhat differently; you could have persisted a little more. Perhaps you gave up a bit early. Remember the story of the little boy who wanted to climb the giant Mount Everest? After trying for years and not being able to make it, he one day said- "Look Mr Mount Everest, now you cannot grow taller but I am both taller and bigger than before".....

Life is indeed like a hurdle race, you cross one and there’s another one to welcome you. As you grow big, so do your hurdles. However, beyond a certain point, hurdles stop bothering because you are so well equipped to handle them. With every problem or failure there is a success story as well, that of getting a new learning, facing the problem or the failure.

Life keeps testing our patience and persistence and gives us two options- either give up or make it till there.

2.   No, because something else was planned by nature/ supreme power/ God which was for your own betterment in the larger scheme of things. Or it was purely as per the law of karma or deeds.

So, what we get is purely the causal effect of our efforts and deeds.

What is now important? The basic what, how, whys-

Know what you want

Know why you want it

What are you willing to do for it

How will it affect you-positively & negatively

To conclude, I get 3 key learnings from the above written matter:

1.   Know your priorities very very clearly. There will be numerous occasions when you will have to reprioritize. What you need to remember is what is NOT a priority at every point of time; and what is it which, if everything else is lost will keep you happy.

2.   Adhere to self made boundaries, that is, know your non-negotiables- values, dignity, self respect?

3.   Once you are clear on point no 1 & 2,go all out- body, mind and soul to do what you want to do.

Last but not the least, always listen to your inner voice/ gut feeling/ sixth sense.

All the very best!

Do share your feedback and join me on www.deepali-enlightenment.blogspot.in

Have a wonderful week!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Emotional Transformation

It is highly misconceived that being emotional means being weak.  Absolutely not! On the contrary it could make a person strong too.

Being emotional per se does not make a person weak or strong, it is the CHOICE of emotions that makes him so. Yes, like other tangible things, we can make a CHOICE of emotions we want to feel more. We can choose to feel blissful, happy, enthusiastic, compassionate, content, peaceful, loveful, empathetic , passionate, joyful and the list goes on. (Try listing 10 emotions you want to feel)  irrespective of the external factors.

While we had so far been thinking that it is only natural to feel sad, dejected, hopeless, angry in face of a failure or a challenging situation; yes it is natural because that is how we are conditioned. However it is in our hands to decide whether-the emotion is in us or we are in the emotion. The external factors are out of our control, but what about our own selves? Do we want to lose control over ourselves too? So what we need to do is:

1.    Notice ourselves and our inner dialogue

2.    Accept the negative or un-resourceful emotion and the situation

3.    Control  the inner dialogue

4.    Take a neutral stand, by physically and mentally dissociating from there

5.    Decide the resourceful or positive emotion we want to feel , instruct oneself and bring it in the system

Of course it is not easy, yet with practice and a conscious effort it is possible. Mind training tools from Neuro Linguistic Programming, positive self talk which is the inner dialogue and meditation will make it very easy.

Remember that no matter how difficult the situation is, we can handle it only with a calm and peaceful mind. Moreover, negative emotions  lead to many a psychosomatic disorders. We can feel a difference ourselves –what are the energy levels when we are happy and enthusiastic vis-a-viz when we are under stress and agony?

So coming back to where we started,

1.    Choose your emotions thoughtfully

2.    Emotions like love, compassion, peace, enthusiasm, empathy, joy are resourceful emotions as they catalyse positivity within and around

3.    Accept the un-resourceful emotions and choose the extent and timing, for example –know when and how much of anger has to be expressed so that it works as a disciplinary tool.

When you, as a leader embrace resourceful emotions, you will feel more empowered to handle your own and your team’s emotions.

When you display empathy, compassion, love, passion,  won’t your team be motivated to go all out and do what you’ve told them to do.

Please channelize your emotions responsibly knowing well that love begets only love (minus a few accidental aberrations). This is the only way to transformation. And I know that my readers are already on a journey towards a higher destination.

Have a lovely and loveful weekend!

Please share your feedback and join me on http://deepali-enlightenment.blogspot.in/
 

Emotional Intelligence-the eastern & western approach

As I complete Emotional Intelligence Practitioner Certification, I realize that there is a close resemblance between the eastern, more so, Indian spiritual techniques and, the western ones. The processes are a little different, but the purpose and even framework to some extent are similar.

Let us look at some of these similarities:

1. The western approach talks of creating boundaries with self and others so that we do not violate the other's boundaries and enmesh emotions. Enmeshment simply means feeling and living the other person's emotions, and is a common phenomena between us and  people we have intimate relationship with like parents, spouse, children etc. (enmeshment is not empathy). So when boundaries are crossed, enmeshment happens and it can lead to complete dissociation with self and association with the other and can stop us from handling a situation from a neutral perspective because we get overpowered by the other's emotion. A simple example of enmeshment is -parent's stress level going up during the child's exam, spouse getting anxious when the other is in appraisal.

Boundary with self, to me means not feeling guilty on missing perfection  every time, forgiving oneself if something just got missed from being accomplished. This is highly needed in this age of super competition and sky high targets and expectations. And it is more needed for Indian dedicated women.

The yogic practices, meditation, pranayam help us in reaching the desired state of detachment- a neutral position in which our sense of discrimination is very strong and we can see things the way they are without losing our sanity even in highly challenging situations. Our scriptures also guide us to lead a life of non-attachment with the fruit while performing our duties to the best of our effort.

2. Sculpting a new image of oneself, using the whoosh technique to create a new desired picture of self with the qualities expected and seeing oneself as having accomplished what one wants to is commonly done under the western approach.

We do the same using certain thought journey & yognidra techniques in the east.

3. Taking a meta position, that is a third party or neutral position in an argument, difficult situation, to heal self and relationships is propounded by the west. And the east suggests various forms of meditation in which one practices to go beyond body consciousness and reach soul consciousness.  This leads to reaching the utmost sense of neutrality. It also teaches us to refrain from taking the sense of doership; having sense of drishta & not karta and offering the fruit of one's actions to the Almighty.

4. Western techniques guide us to acknowledge & validate a person, the eastern approach teaches us to have an attitude of gratitude.

5. The western approach tells us to release unresourceful emotions and let go of the negativity associated with them, the eastern approach tells us to forget and forgive.

I can barely see any difference in both the approaches.

While there is both an art and a science in the western methods as they used brain based techniques and work on the neuro patterns and the techniques have to be administered appropriately; the eastern methods have the beauty of being simple, easy to practice, create a connection with the higher self, take one to the super conscious level, activate creativity, intuition. A dextrous combination of both can do wonders to enrich our life with happiness, success & peace. 

Have a lovely weekend!

Please share your thoughts on www.worldofenlightenment.in 

Leadership & emotions

Thomas- a participant in one of our workshops on Managerial Effectiveness based on 7 Habits shared an incident that happened in his team a couple of months before this workshop.

Thomas was noticing that one of his very effective team members- Rajesh was behaving differently than usual-he started being irritable, lost, withdrawn from other co-workers, not as punctual as he used to be. While a few co-workers did start highlighting his mistakes and using this as a ploy to get a deserving employee ousted, Thomas –the caring boss did what a good leader should do. He while patting Rajesh’s back asked him in an informal conversation if everything was fine with him. Rajesh broke down and told him that his mother was battling with cancer and was undergoing chemotherapy for which he had to take her to the hospital off and on. There being just his wife and an infant in the family, he had to manage the logistics. Thomas very empathetically listened, offered Rajesh some water and tea and then suggested him to take leave for a month while being available on the phone and email when required and hand over the pending projects to a team mate in Thomas’s presence. He assured Rajesh that his job will remain safe and his rating will remain unaffected if after coming back he shows the same enthusiasm in his work as he used to earlier.

Thomas, while understanding an employee’s genuine problem, offered help and retained a good worker who became more dedicated and motivated after coming back. He earned respect, appreciation and sincerity forever.

How many of us pause to think that if a person is behaving differently than usual, he could be going through some kind of a hardship or crisis? Do we stop and try to understand?

I get taken aback when I read or hear senior leaders say that there is no room for emotions at work. “I am a totally different person at work than what I am in my personal life.” There will of course be a few differences in our engagement with people in our personal and professional lives. But how can we have different set of values –one for personal life and one for professional life? How can something as natural and intrinsic as emotions stop to exist the moment I reach my workplace? Imagine what will happen if our heart muscles do the same thing- work at home, stop working at office?

There is just no need to cut off the emotional-the human side of oneself at work. What is needed is-

1. Emotional control and proper expression of emotions
2. Using emotions to build a strong connect


Steven Covey – management expert talks of building a strong Emotional Bank Account by adding the deposits of –empathy, integrity, attending to little things, clarifying expectations, apologizing sincerely. When the emotional bank account is strong, people will give their best, will be more productive, there will be team spirit and the organization’s objectives will be met. There will be a win-win situation for everyone. People will want to work with such leaders who have an emotional and the more human side even at work. And the organization will earn a good name because of good leaders and workers.

Have a lovely weekend!

Energy Audit

 To save the environment and finances, companies and even some households carry out energy audit. This helps them keep a check on use and misuse of energy and helps in preserving the scarce resources.
Can we do a similar exercise for our energy-physical as well as mental? Can we carry out our own energy audit? Yes, we can and we should.
Whatever outcome we get in life is mostly a result of our investment of energy. So we need to check two things:

 1. Mental energy-What kind of thoughts are occupying our mental space? Is our mind full of waste thoughts-thoughts of worry, fear, anxiety, anger, hatred, jealousy? Are most of our thoughts about the past or the future? Now just imagine if the place where we live or work is full of waste, will we be productive, be able to do what we want to do? Similarly, if the mental space is occupied by wasteful thoughts, will we be productive or creative? Never. 

2. Physical energy-Actions and words need to be in sync with thoughts otherwise there will again be a seepage of energy. 

Hence it is very important that we carry out a regular audit of our own energy. Just two simple steps:

1. After every few hours, check your thoughts. If they are negative/ wasteful just navigate consciously towards the positive and productive thoughts.

2. Before going to bed carry out a brief exercise of self introspection-visualize everything done in the day like a film. Something will be right, something will be not so right. Whatever is not so right, just edit it- say cut, cut, cut and promise not to repeat it.

These small exercises will help us channelize our energy in the right direction. And when our thoughts, words and actions synchronize in the right direction, right energy is produced and somewhere the law of attraction works and nature conspires to work with and for us:)

Have a lovely weekend!

 

3A,FL Model for Conflict Resolution

Conflicts are natural in any relationship. No two people will feel or behave the way the other does or expects all the time because we are humans and cannot always function in a standardized fashion. While it is normal to be in conflict situations, what is important is how one responds to or resolves these situations. Any relationship-in personal and or professional life can take an ugly form when conflicts are left unresolved or when there is a blame game.

For the health of the relationship and for the mutual benefit of individuals, it is imperative that there is transmission of positive energy. Energy between two people can get:

1. Reflected-we give back what we receive- positive or negative. This is the most common form of energy exchange.

2.Absorbed-while we do not give it back, we retain the negative energy and somewhere it affects our thought process, emotions and behaviour towards the sender. This happens when the receiver out of fear or respect, absorbs the negativity.

3.Transformation- The ideal form of energy exchange is when despite getting negative energy, we are not absorbing it and are sending back only positive energy. This transformation of energy is very crucial for any relationship to thrive.

I thought of a 3A,FL model that shall help in transforming energy and resolving conflicts.

Ask-1) Can I handle this situation differently?

        2) Is it important for me to feel and behave negatively?.... to lose control?

        3) Is there anything worthwhile in this person? 

Accept people the way they are, of course without compromising on values

Agree to disagree and give the other person benefit of the same

Forget & forgive

Let go  

When 3A,FL model is backed by love (for people in general) and spiritual strength, relationships will bloom and so will people.

Have a lovely weekend!

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Happy New Year

Wish you & your loved ones a very happy & prosperous new year!

May you-

Grow by leaps & bounds, and grow in humility too

Make your choices wisely and heartily

Live with the realization that the means you use to achieve ends make all the difference

Display an attitude of gratitude for all that you have-big or small

Care for those who matter & for whom you matter

Let go of all the negativity

Believe in the infinite power of prayer & pray for others

Live every moment in love.